11 things I want men to commit to. Right now.

  1. Question the mentorship you received. Teachers, bosses, leaders; who have you looked up to and learned from? Were they misogynists or sexual predators? Identify the unlearning you need to do.
  2. Be honest about your relationship to power. Do you crave it, do you never have enough of it, do you feel entitled to it, do you resent others for not giving it to you? Are you afraid of it? Do you avoid it? Get fucking real with yourself. Your actions are already being guided by it anyway.
  3. GO TO FUCKING THERAPY.
  4. Invest time and energy into friendships with people you aren’t interested in having sex with. In the words of the mighty Michelle Obama: "Y'all should get you some friends. Y'all need to go talk to each other about your stuff, because there's so much of it! Talk about why y'all are the way you are." 
  5. Don’t pursue sex with women you work with. Not peer to peer, not subordinate to supervisor or vice versa, just don’t fucking do it.
  6. See women as the leaders they already are. Step back from leadership roles. Cycle out. Create a transition moment. Invite women of color to step in and get paid.
  7. Learn and appreciate the difference between competence and confidence. You're getting snowed, my friend. 
  8. Expand leadership roles so that more than one person occupies the role. Legit checks n balances. Co-leads, Co-facilitators, Co-chairs, Co-directors with equal decision making and veto powers.
  9. Be outnumbered by women in your collaborations. Make this shit happen. I don’t care how it’s done. Just do it. And make sure the women are paid equally.
  10. Stop talking over or interrupting women when they speak. Also, pay attention to when another man does that and tell him to fucking stop.
  11. Hold men accountable. If not you, then who? Another woman or group of women and we're fucking exhausted.

It’s not business as usual anymore. Men don’t get to blunder their way through work environments, communities and social scenes expecting women to clean up their messes.